Stony, Couches, and Shopping
by Wrena Wolfkin
Summary: Steve is tired of the old squeaky couch Tony has and Tony won't go shopping alone. So Tony and Steve head to the store to get a new couch leading to some funny situations for viewers. Oneshot. (Funnier than description sounds)


Hi all! I know this isn't an update for my many stories that I seem to have died on, but I'm still alive. However, my friend and I had an idea that just had to be written down, all stemming from me needing a new couch. Story behind the couch thing at bottom. So here it is, hope you enjoy!

"Tony I said no. I have work to do and, hey, cut it out, I can't concentrate." Steve turns and glares at his lover who has started nipping at his neck. "Anyway, I told you that you need a new couch, the last time I swore the squeaking would wake the entire tower or the damn thing would fall apart, so for the last time, NO!"

"But Steve~ No one else is in the tower right now, and I know you don't have any work." Tony leans in and nuzzles Steve's neck again only to be pushed away.

"I said no, not this couch ever again. It needs to be thrown away! For someone with so much money why do you have such an old couch?"

"I don't like shopping alone, it's boring." Tony suddenly grins. "So what you're saying is that if I get a new couch it's a yes?"

"Fine, but new couch first." Steve says sighing, only to be grabbed by a suddenly energetic Tony and dragged to his feet.

"Okay, let's go then!" Tony starts dragging Steve for the door.

"Huh? What are you talking about Tony?" Steve stops, and being a super soldier, jerks Tony to a stop. Tony turns back to Steve, grinning.

"To a furniture store obviously! You said not until I get a new couch, so let's get one!"

"But why do I have to come?"

"Didn't I say shopping is boring, so I'll drag you along and make things fun." Tony grins and drags a reluctant Steve down to the car to go couch shopping.

"…Where are we?" Steve looks up at the huge store in front of him.

"At Ikeas, it's a furniture store." Tony says dragging Steve towards the entrance.

"It looks more like a mall, how can a furniture store be so big, and what is Ikea?"

"It stands for I kiss England's ass." Tony said looking as innocent as possible.

Steve merely raised an eyebrow. "You really think I'll believe that, I know better by now." He said chuckling as they stepped through the sliding glass doors.

The building was as massive inside, almost seeming larger than it is outside. "You mean to tell me this only sells furniture!?" Steve asked incredulously gaping at the sheer size of the store.

Tony only smiled in response before dragging the still reeling captain to the floor and section for couches. He immediately flopped down on a nice leather couch wiggling around for a feel. "How about this one?" He asked Steve, not even glancing at the price tag.

"You're not getting out of this without some thought. I realize you hate shopping but this is going into your tower." Steve said with a sigh. He had figured Tony would pick the first one he saw to get out of shopping.

Tony merely glowered at Steve before going from couch to couch like his captain wanted. The couple didn't even notice the gaping onlookers watching Captain America and Ironman fighting over a couch.

A half hour later and they still hadn't decided on a couch, and predictably Tony was bored. He hadn't gotten what he wanted in the first place and now he was being forced to shop in person when he could have ordered it online.

As Tony's eyes drifted around the room an evil grin spread across his face. Steve was sitting on a dark leather couch and seemed to actually like it for once, but Tony's thoughts were only for the unoccupied lap he saw.

Steve could fully understand Tony's dislike of shopping now, and it was at the point that he didn't care what they buy, as long as this annoyance ended. The couch he was currently on happened to be the one on which Tony had first sat. He was brought out of his musings when he suddenly had a lapful of evilly grinning Tony.

"Find one you like?" Tony asked while discreetly wiggling on Steve's lap. His grin grew when he saw red spread across the cap's cheeks and felt a definite response to his wiggling.

"This one's fine, let's get back to the tower." Steve tried to play his reactions down, but his cracking voice gave away how quickly he was losing his cool.

Tony grinned again and flopped over sideways so that he was lying on the couch with his arm supporting his head. "Okay, let's go."

Steve stood and started to head away only to notice Tony wasn't beside him. Turning, he spotted the "genius billionaire playboy philanthropist" still lounging on the couch and pouting at him. "C'mon, you said we were leaving."

Tony pouted again an evil sparkle in his eyes. "I want this couch, not one of the ones down there." Tony's pout turned into a blinding grin.

"Tony, you can't just take them from the showroom. You have to go get it down at the cash register you said." Steve said with a raised eyebrow.

Tony merely chuckled. "Do you forget who I am?" Tony gestured over an employee while still lying on the couch which was beginning to get odd looks.

The employee looked fully flustered at the two well known superheroes, not to mention Tony's provocative pose. "Yes sir, how may I help you?" She asked blushing bright red and not so discreetly pulling on her shirt to show more cleavage.

Tony didn't miss this and threw her a blinding smile turning his charm on to its max. "I'd like this couch, literally this one." He said gesturing to the couch he was lounging on.

The employee started to look a bit confused "I'm sorry sir, but I don't think we do that."

"Of course you do, I'll pay twice what it's for sale for after all." Tony said grinning.

After a few short words with her manager the deal was made and Tony handed money directly over to the man before flopping back onto the couch.

"We'll have some men come up to bring this to your car sir." The manager said happy to accommodate the special customer.

As this point Steve couldn't stand anymore waiting and took a step forward looming over the manager. "That won't be necessary, but thank you." He then turned to Tony. "Get off so I can carry that."

Tony grinned again and settled himself onto the couch more firmly before plastering on his best pout. "My feet hurt, carry me and I'll give you a prize when we get home." Tony winked making Steve blush.

Steve's instincts to care for the smaller man took control and with a sigh he stepped forward and picked up the couch, Tony and all, without any effort. He then turned and walked out of the store as if it was the most normal thing ever.

People at the store that day would forever remember the unbelievable sight of Captain America carrying a couch on his shoulder balancing it with his arms while Tony Stark aka Iron Man lay on his side on the couch with a seductive smirk in place.

AN:

So this whole idea came from me being at Big Lots getting a couch. My dad and the employee had so much trouble getting the damn thing on top of the car and all I could think was "Tony and Steve would have it up there in a second." So I shared the idea with my friend and it turned into this crack-fic type thing. Hope it was as entertaining for you guys as it was for us writing it. Review so I can get some feedback. Especially if you want to see what happens with the new couch once they get it home. ;)


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